I live for me
Selfish, right? Even when I thought first of all, I dismissed the thought as being selfish. But there was something about this though that kept me bothered for a long time. Like a recurring dream, it disturbed me every day. Finally one day I decided to be fair with the thought & gave it a chance. After a long battle I realized; though it is selfish but true. It is an integral part of the human psychology. It is an integral part of US.
Then I though about the most selfless person I heard of in my life. Mahatma Gandhi was the first thought. Boy I bowed with respect but then I realized, though he has done a lot for all of us yet he did it because he thinks that’s right. There was something inside him which will not allow him to live for himself. He lived for others so that he can live in peace with himself. He devoted himself because he finds peace & satisfaction in living for others. When I gave a considerate thought I realized that in turn he did all that so that he can be in peace with himself. He fought for Indians because he himself cannot bear the pain of seeing them in pain.
Then I realized that yes, he lived for us but why, because he wanted to live for himself. His peace, satisfaction & happiness lied in helping & caring others. Undoubtedly he was a saint but even saints choose path selfishly.
Then I tried to follow it in my own life. Previously whenever I do something for others I feel proud to help them & when I don’t get any help I feel disappointed. The fear of that disappointment held me back in doing well for others.
That day I realized why was I so wrong in feeling myself great or awesome for helping others. I thought I was a very selfless person & felt proud in that. Unfortunately I was wrong & fortunately I realized that.
I realized that when I am helping you, I am doing it for me। I do it because I want to help you. I am not selfless in helping you. I am quite selfish. As soon as I started living by this thought I never feel disappointed. Everything came so naturally. I help you because I want to. Because I feel like & because of me. So when you don’t help me I don’t mind really as I have not done anything for you. Whatever I have done in my life I have done it for me, my satisfaction, and my happiness. So there’s no point in saying that I live for others but others are selfish. Good or bad, we are all selfish. Strange, a seemingly selfish thought proved so valuable to me What about you???
Arpit
